


Broken

by MichaelMell (GalacticTwink)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Apocalypse, Blind Character, Death, Disassociation, M/M, Multi, Panic Attacks, Self given punishment, Survivor Guilt, Zombies, blame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 09:15:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8050705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalacticTwink/pseuds/MichaelMell
Summary: Thomas is bitten, what is there to do but shoot him? James shot his fiancé, but was it his fault? He definitely seems to think so. James takes it upon himself to be punished for killing the only one who was left to love him; lashing out and getting himself hurt to compensate for what he's done that he can never undo.





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

> As a side note, in this au James has been blinded by the virus

   “Thomas?” James’ voice cracks, hands reaching out towards where his fiancé had been standing moments before. A gunshot sounds, unmistakably from Thomas’ gun, and a hiss of pain from further in front of James.  
   “Jemmy..” His voice is strained, a gun thrust into James’ arms to bring him out of his shock. He shakes his head, tears flying as he tries to give the gun back.  
   “Jemmy, you've got to. I'll hurt you.” Thomas puts his fiancé's arms in the right places, wrapping his finger over the trigger and lining the gun up with his own chest.  
   “I'm not special like you Jemmy, you won't be able to fix me. Please, I can't hurt you.” James is shaking, his hands trembling as he holds the gun up how Thomas had put it for him. No, no, he can't.. He can't shoot Thomas. His fiancé sounds like he's crying, hands reaching out and touching James to pull him close. The blood is warm and sticky, located maybe around Thomas’ shoulder, smearing across James’ face and neck when his fiancé hugs him.  
   “Jammy, I love you so much. More than anything else. I'm gonna see you again baby, I know I will. But take your time. I don't wanna see you until you're ready to come back to me. Take your time, love.” Thomas takes hold of the hand still holding the gun, pushing James’ finger back. The gunshot echoes, a soft noise of pain ripping from Thomas before he hits the ground with a soft thud.  
   “Tommy?” James doesn't hear anything, save his own breathing, hands shaking and tears wrapping around his chin and dripping onto his arms and shoulders. Did it hit? Did James have to get his head? He shoots again, the coppery smell of blood perfuming the air and covering completely the smell of dust and sugar that nearly always clings to Thomas’ skin. He shoots again, and again, and James keeps shooting until the gun clicks to alert him of its lack of ammo.  
   “Tommy? Love..?” James’ voice cracks, fresh tears falling down his face as his shaking hands drop the gun clutched between them.  
“What the hell is going on out… Here?” Rapid footsteps approach and come to a quick halt, John's voice taking James’ attention away from his own heartbeat.  
   “I-I…” James stumbled back away from John's voice, tripping and falling onto the ground with a soft thump. Is John going to shoot him? For killing Thomas? James deserves it. He deserves to die, for killing the only person left who loved him; even after everything that happened. Thomas was so good, and nice, and he loved James so much. He could have made it work, he could have-  
   “James.” John's voice is close again, a hand touching James’ shoulder and making him flinch.  
   “What happened?” The man asks again, voice at a strain trying to sound compassionate. James can't speak. He can't bring himself to. He's not worth it, he should let John kill him right here so he can be next to Thomas…  
   “Hey, don't-don’t be afraid.. I’m not going to hurt you or anything.” He's still talking, and touching, trying to make James talk. He can't, he can't, he can't..  
   “He was bitten.” It isn't a question, John knew. James shook his head, but his leader knew that Thomas had been bitten. “No, no..” Fresh tears streak his cheeks, sobs racking through James’ body.  
   “No, I killed him, I killed him.. Tommy? Tommy, please, I'm so sorry.. Baby, baby, please come back.. I love you; I love you so much..” James grabs onto John, nothing else around him to hang onto while he cries and calls for his fiancé.  
   “Come on James... You had to.. He would've died anyway. Let's go back alright? I can't pick you up…” he can't. James just can't. He shakes his head, but John is already pulling him to his feet and pulling him towards the base. No, he can't leave Thomas. Thomas is still there, and James is just leaving him.  
   “No! No..” John keeps pulling him, his feet hitting stairs and legs gifting to fill in the space until he's at the top. Voices hit James’’ ears, but he isn't listening. He doesn't feel himself being sat down, or the tears being wiped from his face. There's nothing. Thomas isn't here, holding him and kissing his forehead and telling him all about what it would be like when they woke up from this dream. But this isn't a dream, and Thomas won't be there when James wakes up. He's gone. James could have done something. He could have heard the zombie coming and warned his fiancé, or he could have gotten there in time and gotten Thomas out of the way. Something. Anything. He could have… James screams. Tilting his head back and letting out a scream of pure agony, ending off with hard sobs that yielded no tears from his eyes. He doesn't have anything left in him to cry out. The voices are back, hands touching him and trying to coax him to drink something. James doesn't deserve it. Hands pause. Did he say that out loud? The arms connected to the hands wrap around him, pulling James up against a sturdy chest. The scent of petrichor floods his senses, but it isn't Thomas. James doesn't have the strength to fight back as he's hugged, muffled words whispered to him in some attempt to calm him down. It won't work, James can't be calm without Thomas to help him. No, no, no, no.. Thomas’ name is said, amongst the other Drabble, catching James’ attention. Something about him being alive in James’ heart. Bullshit. If he isn't alive, then he isn't alive. No matter how much James remembers him, Thomas will still be dead; bullet holes through his perfect body. His hands still, never to touch James again or run their fingers through his hair. James just wishes he could have seen him. He wants to see his Thomas one last time, and he never will. 


End file.
